|The California Bar: Frighteningly Soon
||[Jul. 15th, 2011|09:28 pm]
So all the horror stories I heard about taking the California Bar are now coming to pass. I'd say it's all been coming on slowly, but that would be a lie. Really it's come on like a freight train recklessly speeding down tracks covered in bacon grease and WD40. It went from "oh yay a week off before I start studying" to "holy crap it's almost time!"
I have... slightly more than ten days before I sit down to take the thing, and right now the sweetest day of my life, the best I can possibly imagine, is July 29th - and solely because it is the Day After. I already have a full day of plans, you see, a full day! In reality I may not even get out of bed, but will simply yell down for my roommate to bring me plate after plate of pancakes. But even that sounds like heaven. Anything but this!
I think I finally understand what it's like to be bipolar, too. Well, at least in a small, hyperbolic, and sympathetic part. I go from feeling ready, prepared, and wanting to be done with this damned thing already - bring it on! - to a crashing low desperate panic, the sense that I don't have nearly enough time god oh god I wish I didn't have to eat or sleep and there's just not enough time, at least once a day, but sometimes more. Sometimes a few times before I'm even out of the shower. Horrible. But also apparently what everyone else in my class is going through right now, which does, I admit, make it somewhat more manageable.
Not just my sanity seems to be slipping, but also everyone's health has started to rapidly deteriorate. I've heard enough stories about screaming, sobbing, and even projectile vomiting during the test (that last from the upchucker herself) that I'm assuming it's going to be pandemonium in the test room. That said, I thought it would at least wait until that fateful Tuesday start deadline. Oh no, not at all. My usual study-buddy is currently two lattes from an ulcer, as informed by her doctor. Apparently she's not to have any caffeine and to reduce her stress. Upon receipt of this news, she turned to her doctor and gave what must have been a semi-crazed, semi-maniacal laugh. Another friend is apparently breaking out into hives with some regularity, her own awesome stress reaction. This evening I'm having bouts of vertigo, which I assure you makes it rather hard to study contract formation, but hey, at least I can have coffee!
Though when I think about what I have to deal with - pretty much nothing but studying - I have to remind myself that I have this, relatively speaking, easy. Why, I only need to look to my right to recall my neighbor in BarBri lecture, whose wife went into labor the Tuesday night of our second week and who turned up bright and early Wednesday morning for class. Apparently he's gotten the hang of holding a baby and an outline at the same time. And not sleeping for more than four hours at a time. Yeah, I'm glad I don't have to deal with that, no lie. So it could be worse. But really, it feels terrifying enough as it is that I will just leave it at that.
I certainly have more empathy for one former Smeagol now, if nothing else. If there were an SAT problem, it would read:
Question: The One Ring was to Gollum as...As a classmate so appropriately added, "One Bar to rule them all and in the darkness, bind them!"
Answer: the Bar is to commodoremarie.
Oh, and finally I must pass on a link that was given to me by a classmate that, I would say, perfectly encapsulates what I'm feeling right now: Stop Telling Me I'm Going to Pass the Bar. The California Bar really is a terrifying, horrifying, everything-I-can-think-of-that-ends-in-ifying gauntlet that I hope I only have to take once, but may have to face several times. So yeah. Your confidence is appreciated but unshared, unfortunatley.
And on that note, it's already almost past my bedtime.